What you’ve heard is true. Being engaged during a pandemic is hard and while I wish it upon no one, you really can’t explain what it feels like until you go through it. Our wedding date was originally March 19, 2021 and since the beginning of this month, I’ve been a rollercoaster of emotions as I think about how I’ll feel on our (original) wedding day. Poor Bill for having to deal with my mood swings (sad, angry, happy, annoyed….you name it)… it’s been a journey but I continue to count my blessings and am so grateful for him.
To clarify, it always felt right to postpone our wedding. Last November, we made the decision to postpone for a number of reasons, and we still stand by our decision 100%. If you’ve been following along, I am originally from southern California, and I always imagined getting married by the beach, surrounded by the people I love. While I’m a total city person, I love the coastal vibe a wedding brings. With more than 75% of our wedding guests being from Chicago or out of state, there was no way we could ask our friends and family to travel during a pandemic…. and on the flip side we are not about to spend money on our wedding and have the people that we love not come! Again, it makes sense, but it still pulls at the heart strings.
What Could Have Been?
What would I be doing right now? How would my bridal shower have been? What about my bachelorette party? Have people forgotten about us? Will people STILL come to our wedding after almost two years from the beginning of the pandemic? What about being engaged for 2 years? Do people even care?
These are a few of the questions I’ve been thinking about constantly.. wondering what could have been. I’ve always been a look ahead kind of person, because that’s what keeps me going, so I’ve really locked these feelings in a sacred spot that I’ve had no interest in opening up. Like I mentioned, fast forward to our originally planned wedding being on 3.19.21, it’s like those emotions were looking to escape and make a very dramatic entrance (or exit? who knows…). There is a part of me that feels like I needed to come to terms with our decision in this way, because I’ve never really given myself the time to fully process it, so it’s a bittersweet thing to happen. I DO feel at peace knowing that my feelings are valid, and sometimes it’s nice to daydream about what could have been: clinking champagne at fancy dinners and celebrations while wearing all white, leaning in to kiss my future husband, dreaming of our honeymoon, the future… you know, all the happy things!
The glass is half full…
I’m always looking to turn a negative into a positive, and I continue to remind myself of a few GOOD things that have come out of postponing our wedding:
I have more time to plan!!! 2 years to plan a wedding is a lot I know, and while not by choice, I love decorating and design! It’s great to have extra time to think about color palettes, florals, our wedding timeline, photography.. you name it! Heck I’m over here thinking if I want to have two dresses between the ceremony and reception because WHY NOT?!
I’m grateful to have more time as fiancés. Getting married is something I never wanted to rush – same for Bill! I’ll talk more about this in a minute but I’m really grateful to have more time to celebrate with my fiancé AND more time to strengthen our relationship, and learn even more about each other.
Staying busy. Bill and I are always on the go – it’s in our blood – and that could be a reason why I didn’t have time to process everything earlier, but in the interim, it’s been great to have more time (and less stress!) to work on decorating our home. I am OBSESSED with our home and home owners can relate to this but there is ALWAYS something to do once you own a home… so we are keeping busy over here ;). Bill and I are both entrepreneurs at heart and are so busy with our jobs too. He has been hard at work running his company and I am forever grateful that my blog has been so busy… on top of working in public relations full time! Never a dull moment over here!
Why we aren’t getting legally married before our wedding date.
A question that’s been asked more times than I can count. First and foremost, I totally respect and admire every single couple planning a wedding during a pandemic, and I know everyone is different and you have to make the decision that is best for you! For Bill and I, we had a deep conversation about getting legally married before our actual wedding date and decided not to for a variety of reasons. The biggest reason why we chose not to was because ultimately we are so happy together as is, we don’t feel the need to legally wed before our actual big day. Bill and I have been together for 7 years, we have a home together, two cats (the girls <3!!), we manage our finances together…. so we already feel married just without the hassle of changing all of the legal documentation justttt yet.
What’s funny is that for those who know me well, I am NOT a patient person. I am probably the most impatient person possible… but on this particular topic, I’ve never had an interest in rushing into a legal marriage just for the title (regardless of covid!). I want to continue to grow with Bill as fiancés and grow even more as husband and wife when that happens! I want my first kiss with my future husband to be at the alter, surrounded by our friends and family while hearing the ocean waves as our backdrop, and I want it to be a celebratory moment for everyone after a sad, scary and stressful 2020/2021.
Love is patient, and while I am feeling a handful of emotions this week, I know everything will happen as it should, and it will all be worth it in the end.
Here’s to looking ahead at February 18, 2022!